Thursday, August 27, 2020

Pig and farm report

I bought some authentic real grits (not that mealy west coast crap) from the company Southern Queen whose incredible logo is right up there a Black owned business with an amazing product which I will be having this weekend along with honest to bog collards curtesy of my CSA box

tonight the Mets and the Marlins met on the ball field facing each other in two lines removed their caps bowed their heads in silence for 42 seconds then waved to each other with their ball caps and walked off the field leaving nothing but a Black Lives Matter tee shirt on home plate having canceled the game and this finally is the thing that triggered my tears that now fall freely under my fingers as I type after days of stuffing those tears back into my head as I’ve watched the news in horror holding my head up in the air so the tears would not fall out but baseball is my game and this is the image that broke me

we witnessed yet another young Black man gunned down in front of his own children by police in Kenosha

a 17 year old maga proudboy shooter killed two people and wounded a third during a protest in the same city then walked away past several police officers saying what he had done admitting what he had done bragging about what he had done and the police told him to go home which he did before turning himself in later

murders ordered by king donald 

Riot Kitchen an organization that offers hot vegetarian meals to protestors across the US an organization I have been supporting had their crew members grabbed from the street and thrown in black unmarked cars in Kenosha last night and now they are disappeared

all they were doing was feeding people

Feed my sheep

those are their blond blue eyed baby boy Jesus’s supposed last words on earth

Feed my sheep

no one can find them who took them police? FBI? NSA? all the american president’s gestapo

Jacob Blake the man who was shot repeatedly in the back by police remains handcuffed to his hospital bed paralyzed from the waist down

why is he shackled?

I have a feeling of dread about the republican convention tonight in what used to be the rose garden a garden I stood in as a girl with my uncle 

something wicked this way comes

this week I successfully took myself to the clinic for necessary blood tests to keep my psych meds alive in my brain then fell up my porch step onto my stomach bruising my entire left side after I had successfully driven myself home the top of my left foot absorbed most of the damage and is now black and blue and swollen like a weird squash and it hurts like a motherfucker but I’ve mostly been keeping it up and iced

my left foot has absorbed most of the damage of my entire life now that I think on it and when you damage your foot you pretty much think on it  

a lot 

my favorite word for 2020 so far is problematic 

my left foot has been problematic since I was a girl 

I’m still going to the beach every day I saw a hawk knock a raven out of the air I saw a great blue heron standing in a culvert just inches from where I stood I watched a two year old girl walk with her mother on the lee side of the island this morning the child was wearing a bright pink gauzy shawl that was at least five feet long and it furled out behind her in an amazing wave I finally moved my tiny belongings out of my gray winter purse into my spring purse which is pink and has a sixties boxy look I was saving it until after covid but here we are I began a skin care routine with a fancy cleanser then masque then cream then lip exfoliant but I gave it up in one day the gladiolus are finished drooping their long stalks with one determined flower hanging onto the ends of each one with ridiculous hope the dahlias are up the bullfrogs sing in the marshlands behind my house my son is still here but he is leaving Saturday going to the city then to his orchard we talk about politics and art and memory and music my son is brilliant and his thoughts constantly keep me thinking we talked this morning about how our brains grow rigid if they are not used we think this is what happened to Terrible America its denizens grown rigid and stupid

I can’t practice Bach because when I play my violin I keep my right foot in front of me and my left foot behind me then I move my body using my left rear foot as a propeller launching me almost out of my chair at times something that used to disturb The Jackal my prize student’s mother all that moving around she’d say the queen of judgment and I’d beg her to go see the symphony for herself so she could see that I was not broken

ps. I teach my students to sit with both feet in front of them planted firmly on the floor

I wanted to write about woodpeckers how their tongues practically curl around their brains and about penguins’s terrifying sort of teeth these creatures are not at all disneyfied but instead I’ll confess that my terraria my science projects are all over the place now at different stages of growth and decay fecundity and death and according to my son are problematic but I think I’m done with nature at least for tonight


Blogger Linda Sue said...

Just in the nick of time- meds- otherwise these three more things would have dissolved whatever it is that keeps me upright.
I am sorry that you fell, damn! It is like the universe doing the mean parent thing "I will give you something to cry about"...Bog is a mean old BOG!
So good that you have a great beach to go to daily! And that there is a little girl and a great many birds and the sea.LOVE Xxx

August 27, 2020 at 9:07 PM  
Blogger Ms. Moon said...

It is my right side that always gets affected. I've thought about this often and here you are with your left side. I wonder if there is an explanation for this like the woodpecker's tongue.
If we don't get rid of that tyrant we're fucked forever. We might be already. Certainly a lot of people are.
It just keeps getting worse. It was already the worst when Jacob Blake was shot and now he's shackled? I read this and I couldn't believe this. Surely not. And yet.
He didn't even commit a crime.
Grits. Grits are good. Are they the sort that take an hour to cook? Here is what I learned recently- to cook my grits with part milk, part water or vegetable broth. Before I would have considered this a sin. And then add cheese (which has never been a sin) at the end.
I love you Rebecca. Take care. We can't give up.

August 28, 2020 at 6:08 AM  
Blogger 37paddington said...

This is such a rich post, so full of heartbreak and love and life that keeps happening, unfurling, like that gauzy pink wave of a scarf i could see it so clearly, and thank you for that and for writing Jacob Blake’s name.

August 28, 2020 at 2:57 PM  
Blogger Radish King said...

It has been a season of terrible heartbreak and wild beauty. And now my tomatoes are starting to turn their bloody red hearts to the sun. The end of summer start of fall is always so emotional. No school year over here. So odd. Love you.

August 28, 2020 at 3:08 PM  
Blogger Radish King said...

Linda Sue, I give thanks to the water every day even if I only see a sliver of it a couple blocks the so called private beaches of people who think they can own something like that and today a seal. In two days I will have owned this house for four years though I didn’t move in until late December as I bought it the same day it went on the market surprising the owners. My meds don’t keep me upright but they sure do make moving through the world easier.XO

August 28, 2020 at 3:49 PM  
Blogger Radish King said...

Mary yes they are the slow cooked grits with broth and milk the same way I cook polenta which are sold as grits over here but I know better and so do you. I can’t wait until tomorrow for grits and greens and meaty mushrooms. Page will be gone so I’ll enjoy them by my own self outside. A day of indulgence,X

August 28, 2020 at 3:52 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

This post is just incredible. I'm going to scroll up and read it again.

August 29, 2020 at 10:53 PM  
Blogger Radish King said...

Elizabeth I seem to have days and days where nothing happens unto I break open the egg of them and all the stuff spills out. X

August 30, 2020 at 5:17 PM  

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