Dear Darklings,

This morning I took a shower and washed my hair and put my pants on and sprayed myself liberally and horrifyingly with way way too much perfume (DOGNURSE always lets me out early if I stink I used to do the same when I had to meet with THE MINOTAUR) then at 10:00 AM my phone rang and it was DOGNURSE and she yelled REBECCA WE HAD AN APPOINTMENT AT 11:00 AM and I said I know I'm putting my shoes on right now and she screeched WELL THAT'S NOT GOING TO DO US ANY GOOD NOW IS IT??? and I told her it was only 10:00 AM and she said oh then I'll see you at 11 in this tiny little girl princess voice and I got there on time as usual (I am always on time usually early) and she didn't even apologize she just said I haven't set all my clocks back yet kind of like it was my fault then it all went downhill from there as it usually does so I took my prescriptions from her and then I drove to the University Village M-A-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS and bought a white pumpkin soup tureen because every new home needs a fucking white pumpkin soup tureen right RIGHT??? then I had a panic attack and started sweating which happens every time I buy something completely unnecessary and after half an hour I found my car in the gigantic parking lot and tore off my sweater and my poor elbows which are rather scabby with psoriasis started bleeding and I was sweating like mad even though it was only 60 degrees and I was listening to the Sufjan Stevens song Fourth of July over and over and I cried and cried and cried all the way home with the giant white pumpkin tureen on the car seat beside me and I was singing with the song we're all gonna die we're all gonna die

then I got home and there was an email from the woman now occupying my lovely island house and she assured me that they will be moving out Thanksgiving weekend and I have been so worried and I ran around the house screaming and jumping up and down and giggling and waving my arms in the air like those Inflatable Wacky Waving Tube Men so full of joy was I then I ate a Taco del Mar burrito the size of a medium horse now I feel like I want to puke so full of joy am I still and so excited I cannot sit for more than ten seconds at a time

Fourth of July
~ Sufjan Stevens, from Carrie and Lowell

The evil it spread like a fever ahead
It was night when you died, my firefly
What could I have said to raise you from the dead?
Oh could I be the sky on the Fourth of July?

Well you do enough talk
My little hawk, why do you cry?
Tell me what did you learn from the Tillamook burn?
Or the Fourth of July?
We’re all gonna die

Sitting at the bed with the halo at your head
Was it all a disguise, like Junior High
Where everything was fiction, future, and prediction
Now, where am I? My fading supply

Did you get enough love, my little dove
Why do you cry?
And I’m sorry I left, but it was for the best
Though it never felt right
My little Versailles

The hospital asked should the body be cast
Before I say goodbye, my star in the sky
Such a funny thought to wrap you up in cloth
Do you find it all right, my dragonfly?

Shall we look at the moon, my little loon
Why do you cry?
Make the most of your life, while it is rife
While it is light

Well you do enough talk
My little hawk, why do you cry?
Tell me what did you learn from the Tillamook burn?
Or the Fourth of July?
We’re all gonna die