it is cold and I have yet to get out of my bed and turn on the furnace because the owls are singing their throaty songs over the forest canopy to one another they are both comforting and eerie so I listen and fit my mood into their music Jupiter is on the bed with me killing a length of blue elastic she found among the Christmas wrapping paper she has had it for days runs through the house with it in her mouth carrying one end or the other the same way she carries wee stunned or dead mice to me their tails between her teeth she has brought me two already this winter
I made it through yesterday with joy until the end until I slipped under my downy bedclothes then dread hit for no apparent reason heavy as earth pressing on my body the fathomless dark that so often accompanies joy in me fortunately I fell asleep before tears came before depression had time to build its terrible nest in my brain and this morning I feel wonderful perhaps that peculiar affliction at least perhaps last night that sense of falling was simply a tissue memory as yesterday and the brouhaha previous to yesterday filled me with raw childish glee
Sheila the llama down the road has disappeared from her farm I don't know what happened to her if she died or if they sold her or if they sold their farm or if she stays in the barn in winter but she is gone the three red feral chickens who I discovered walking down the middle of the road a few months ago are now here on my front porch every day visiting I have named the hens Wanda and Beulah and the rooster is of course Cogburn there is a new pony on the horse farm where the foal with the twisted gut was born the new pony is all black with white socks on his back ankles he is crazy cute and The Surfer has named him Clover I also visit the two horses by the fire station each day one is a palomino I call Speck the other a Shetland pony I call Mr. Poops because of his odd habit of trotting over to Speck each time Speck lifts his tail to defecate and standing directly under Speck's tail as the poop falls on his head I have never seen such a thing in the animal world in all my days and it is so g.d. funny the buffalos and sheep and alpacas are all present and accounted for Orlando continues to terrorize the villagers she is now over 18 years old!
I got too sick to plant my 120 tulip bulbs I bought last summer so I am storing them in the coldest place in the house which is the closet in my bathroom I will plant them next winter I still haven't painted the inside of the house for some reason the move drained me of everything I feel it took me an entire year to recover but lately I have been so content and happy an abiding happiness that I never thought to embrace in this lifetime I baked about thirty batches of cookies sugar cookies oatmeal cookies chocolate chip cookies Italian wedding cookies and gingerbread men and delivered them around the island for gifts and I didn't eat one as I basically don't eat at all these days I have made friends but not close friends with people all over the island except for my closest neighbors who are not close enough to be actual neighbors just the people down the road the forest across from my house is for sale but has been for sale for months I keep threatening to take down the For Sale sign and fling it into the forest but I have yet to act on this small crime still I think the reason it hasn't sold is probably because of the ground water there yes I have stomped around in there my feet sinking in and sucking up with a plop I too have ground water deep into my forest but there is a small green horizontal standpipe in my forest to collect that water this is after all an island
did I tell you I'm crocheting a blanket? it keeps me deliciously warm when I work on it
good morning Darklings it feels fine to be back I hope you find me soon
