I am sick and happy
sick from stress which causes pancreatitis which knocks me out really truly just fucking snockers me and happy because of the move which is 15 days away now perhaps a day or two sooner and I've been in conversation with The Lady In My House and she has decided to leave me her refrigerator which is GORGEOUS and huge and black and shiny and most fabulous refrigerator I've ever met and it is a sweet relief a true beauty no stripper fridge this she and AND it will save me about $3000 which is what large refrigerators cost these days large enough to fit into the refrigerator sized hole in the kitchen I am well pleased so relieved

packing goes apace this morning I cleared the top shelf in the kitchen and then the two shelves in the bathroom with one box for things to keep and one box for things to toss (haven't used this shampoo in 20 years? toss it)

today is the first time I have eaten in three days and I'm making spaghetti which should surprise no one who reads here regularly and I'm pretty sure I broke my pinkie toe on my left foot again this time by running into my dresser not my piano which is where I usually break it

I went to the little grocery store to buy some eye drops three days ago and I was standing there looking at the selection and another woman was doing the same and I started crying and she started crying and she asked are you okay and I said sort of are you and she said her son is a junkie and she has 20 years of recovery from being a junkie and I told her I was crazy and intensely afraid of losing my insurance and thus my mind and then we were both weeping openly and hugging each other then we talked some more then we hugged each other again right there in the aisle and she said you know men would never do this they can't and I think for a lot of men this is true I have always thought of tears as a magical lubricant for my soul and body when they don't come easily I get worried

my toe is swelling up so I will be wearing UGGS for the next few weeks


ugh

my son has an all day professional photography gig on December 3 which is when I was going to rent the U-Haul truck to move our furniture so that is pushed aside I've decided to send slumlord a certified letter on December 1 to announce officially my 30 day notice even though my contract with him reads I only need a 20 day notice

never trust a snake to be a lamby lamb even if he is woolly and bahbahbahs

my noodles are done

I'll be back Darklings

keep your dukes up and watch your toes especially the wee ones that go all the way home

LOVE