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Hello from The Big Fog

Dear Darklings,

I am writing to you from the Oregon coast deep at the ocean’s heart on the edge of wild in a month of Julys drinking hotel coffee in a fluffy robe listening to the ebb bubble and flow of waves I have not been away only sunk into my work into my book for the entire month dancing with completion full of joy there is so much I want to tell you and I will soon I promise but two things now before I rassel me  up some breakfast

Happy Birthday to Mary Moon who is a beacon in my pinched little persimmon of a heart we spoke on the telephone this morning and it was so easy I felt I had known her my whole life and I have I am sorry my connection kept cutting out Mary it is iffy here always but you are not

I met Scott and Yolie they came to Summer’s End oh oh oh Scott’s eyes shoot out beams of light he is amazing sees everything and I could not keep a secret from him not ever and Yolie made me feel shy and loved and beautiful these people their energy is remarkable they were my second visitors ever I played my violin for them but completely flubbed it because I took an Ativan before they arrived because I am not accustomed to human interaction and for that I am a little bit embarrassed but I did not feel judged by them not for one hot second and I am forever changed by our meeting

Love for now tomorrow is my birthday and I aim to play in the sand and eat ice cream

XOR

therefore I will not write that today on the hottest day of the year I stood barefoot in a black and yellow daisy printed dress in my kitchen and ate a half pint of hand-dipped butter pecan ice cream shot through with thick caramel ribbons

Pig and farm report

this is going to be quick because I have just swung out of a month long depression that ate up most of June but there is my July table laden with apples cherries figs (!!!) strawberries road eggs peaches and my aloe vera the tea towels are on the chairs to protect their varnish from kitten-to-cat claw and scratch marks Hal and Wolfie are now too big to hold with one hand they are almost at three months in fact they may be a couple days over three months Hal is a talker like Jupiter he has a delicious purr-mert-meow that is amazing Wolfie is smarter faster and still somewhat shy of course she is smarter as she is the female that's just how it is the garden is growing luscious because of one solid week of rain the book work continues apace I had to drive to downtown Seattle to see DOGNURSE last week and to my everlasting horror she asked me how much weight I had lost what my exact weight was and tried to get me to step on her scale which appeared out of nowhere in her office this appalling bit of nonsense harkens back to my terrible mother whose obsession with my body continued until my last conversation with her DOGNURSE has also in the past called me hey skinny and even that worried me she is NOT my general physician has never been and my eating disorder(s) have been evident out there for the world to see etc since the beginning why now that I am healthy is she prying so much it is awful and invasive and it tipped me upside down and punched the breath out of me I gave her a fake number for my weight and she wrote it in her notebook WHAT THE FUCK just seriously I am still overweight it's not like I have anorexia I told her firmly that I don't weigh myself that my physician does it I am seriously still staggered by this and I need to find a new psychiatrist immediately and cut her loose with no explanation I have been cautious about this since I met Mustafa who told me I would outgrow my bipolar disease and refused to give me my meds still I can't take any more of her bullshit

in other news yesterday was the first lifting of this heavy depression and I sat outside in the sun or inside with the kittens or outside in the sun reading Lauren Groff's Florida straight through the way I tend to read in summer especially in July a great book of short stories a Florida I recognize from Mary Moon's writing recommended! and in between my reading I baked two baguettes drove to the beach and watered the garden

hello Darklings!
I have missed you all

here is a mess of kittens a pile of cats a soft intelligent heap of warm goodness