The enormous baby.

Last night on the way to the clinic I accidentally fumbled my phone and the 🆘 911 alert sounded and I pulled over in true panic because I had never heard it before and I thought we’re getting bombed   I have not thought that at any time since the air raid sirens that sent us scurrying away from school in the 1950s and for a few years after when jets were still allowed to break the sound barrier I canceled the alert quick enough but that underlying fear stayed in my mouth all the way to the clinic

the clinic doctor lady listened to my lungs and rammed a thing down my throat and peeked into my earbobs and assured me I was not about to die she told me to drink liquids and take more mucinex and ibuprofen to take the swelling out of my esophaguses I did not even know I had heartburn did you know you can have heartburn and not feel burnt? I just knew I really didn’t feel that bad just the weird coughing thing she told me to not take the liquid version of mucinex because it’s hideous and not fit for human consumption and to go home and eat lots of carbs then she explained what carbs were you know bread and potatoes stuff like that she probably assumed that because I didn’t know I had heartburn when I clearly did that maybe I wasn’t all that bright    maybe    but she was wearing a hideously cheery Christmas sweater and had just told me to go home and eat a bunch of carbs then her helper monkey flew in and gave me the super duper over 65 flu vaccination in my left arm and a pneumonia vaccination in my right arm they are vaccinations right we should start calling them that it still hurts like a good curse word

I headed back home on the darkest road I’ve ever traveled I don’t know what I was thinking when I made an appointment for 4 pm I have crappy elderly eyes and seeing in the dark is just not a good idea no matter how many festive Christmas lights are strung about the place and there were a lot I went to bed and slept very soundly on my right arm i.e. the pneumonia vaccination arm and I woke at 3:30 am in rather screamy pain and I couldn’t move my arm at all not even to get dressed so I just lay in bed and watched the government shitshow until I could move my arm a bit

here I am looking ghostly ghastly and gray skinned and like someone just ran over my dog in my luscious soft first time ever cashmere sweater I should really scribble out my face here I cut my bangs myself with my cuticle scissors

 

Around 2 pm today my son came back from the city and walked down the hill to the house carrying a bushy medium height perfect evergreen tree in his arms like an enormous baby