Sunday, December 30, 2018

Pig and farm report

Dear Darklings,

My absence from this bright corner has been abscessed my absence has been deeply felt by me each morning as I consider the forest prime the dark winter the passing of the Solstice which I didn't even mark here my absence has been a deeper problem a sign a portent a falcon in the tea leaves a dusty room a bird in the library a kitchen whale spout and I have missed you all deeply my knee has grown stronger Christmas passed with little fanfare and lots of reading we had a major whopper of a windstorm which left my son and me without power for two full days forcing me finally to literally bathe in the cats' water don't look at me like that the photo above is our ravaged state park the road to which was closed due to fallen trees not just limbs but trees were literally torn from the extremely dry ground by wind and slammed into the road all over the island and it was scary it was the noise just horrifying I have never been in a tornado or a hurricane but I can well imagine one now Summer's End fared spectacularly well huge branches on the deck and over the forest and on top of my garden plots but no windows crashed in no roof damage no car damage but goddamn the noise and now there is no one to care for the park at all now that the goddamn government is closed

in other news my Boeing pension has been cut by a third thanks to the raging hemorrhoid in the very white house a literal third due to taxation and that of course is my living money I earned working for so many years in the factory and of course it is the wealthy who get richer which we all knew I shudder to think what my house taxes will be this year and I give thanks for whatever gut instinct told me to shut out virtually every piece of advice I received regarding setting up a mortgage and car payments for myself because I won't lose the house or get my car repossessed and I am no stranger to belt tightening and I had a day of panic and fear and today I bounced up all happy and humming in the kitchen which makes me suspect I'm about to enter a manic swing which has not yet descended and so in this small window of sane I am writing

to tell you I love you to tell you I got a note from Tom reminding me who I am which drew me here to tell you I am reading your blogs but still cannot comment on them to tell you I miss you all I miss connecting with you here to tell you I am so grateful for our time here in this flat blue world our time as a family to tell you that Jupiter is about to turn four years old the feral kittens are now nine months Hal never leaves my side and Wolf is Page's cat they have clearly chosen their humans Jupiter is such a superb mother to tell you that I will come back but now my toe is infected again the same toe that the foot crusher healed five years ago a boil beginning to erupt on its tender top to tell you I have no health insurance except medicare to tell you to hang on hang on for dear life because you never know when you will turn a corner into a sunlit room with peonies in the window and a cat on your lap

sending love and a pile of cats from my house to yours


Monday, December 10, 2018

There is a prose excerpt from Queer Wing-ed at Burning House Press the first prose from my book to be published EVER and I am quite excited about it please go read if you can and leave a comment if the spirit or the Holy Bat moves you to do so the theme for the issue was Doors which of course I read as portals because I yam what I yam

Also on my to-do list for today is wash my hair

Love from the blacktail forest I hope this post sticks as blogger ate it the first time I posted it


I am still broken and I have to I mean I really must have to drive to the bait&tackle today but yesterday I walked up the hill to fetch the mail and that took time as I was careful but coming back down the hill made me hiss with pain and today it is raining I ache and ache and I'm going to drive dammit because I am alone here with cats who refuse to go fetch anything whatsoever from any store at all the little bastids I will write more once I have a lap again for my laptop I am still mostly stretched out with my leg extended on a pillow w/ ice and w/ aspirin and w/ ace bandage et al ugh


Saturday, December 8, 2018

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

We can’t all be winners part 2

I just walked out the door for my daily foray to the beach stepped off the porch and my knee collapsed and I landed on my butt with my left arm on a frozen pumpkin and my right arm on my purse which probably saved my wrists fortunately my son is here and he helped me navigate the step back into the house and into my bed where I will probably starve to death for the next few days because he is so fucking healthy and at least for the moment I cannot make it to the kitchen so no soup and no bread either not even the monster kind it’s vegetables and fruit for me maybe a small cube of cheese if I beg

Where is all that illegal OxyContin when you really kneed it (I despise puns but there it is) oh god I have to fucking just lie here and listen to the pioneer woman squeal on and on btw did you know she and her little family are the 6th largest land owners in the US please don’t buy her crap at WalFart

I may become a nuciance here on account of sudden and severe lack of mobility

Look at Prince Hal he has become a major cat


I just asked my son to pop a bagel in the toaster for me and he said do you want me to make you some eggs they’re so much better for you and I had to say NO A BAGEL IS FINE WITH BUTTER see what I mean? and now he’s threatening not to leave for the orchard Thursday as he had previously planned

We can't all be winners

the most simple honey wheat sandwich bread gone horribly awry honestly I don't even know why I put it in the oven after this nightmare umm...rose... and continued to rise you can see where the very crown of the bread touched the top element of the oven

other than that monstrosity which Ivy Alvarez said looks like one of Ronald Reagan's hairdos I have been okay dealing with this lingering depression which feels like it's gone then pops back in to create havoc in my brain spaces I woke up the day before yesterday and my left knee was stiff so stiff I couldn't bend it and aching like the best swear word your grandpa ever said so I immediately googled CANCER KNEE because I always go to the extreme worst thing that could possibly happen but alas google told me that I was fat and sedentary and old which I already knew plus toss in the fact that I was kneeling in frozen mud to trim back a crapload of potatoes that unexpected sprang forth in my garden bed under my tulip bulbs for an hour and yesterday when I woke up the CANCER KNEE was gone leaving just a little stiffness in the back and now I'm sitting cross legged as I always do the sun is out it is 30 degrees Wolfie has a clicking noise in her head but I googled my kitten's head clicks and all I found was that kittens also teethe at six months old so I'm hoping it's a molar and that I don't have to swallow my savings account with kitten head surgery

it is December I put up all my Santa and Forest Animal decor and lights around the big front windows in hopes that I can shake this floating anxiety that might have as much to do with the news as it does with my mental illness I got out my advent calendar house which is shaped like an old pointy church with twenty five doors in it and I crammed a tiny chocolate snowman and a tiny chocolate teddy bear into each door by snapping off their respective heads still delicious I am told my houseplants continue to thrive in spite of my usual depression related depression plant-o-cide I have decided to really make a low and non-spendy Christmas for myself because I still can't afford to replace my glasses and it always makes me feel nasty to spend so much on crap for instance I'm still eating Thanksgiving dinner this year I'm making a spinach quiche and some guacamole and some beans for Christmas dinner and that is that

hello from the blacktail forest Darklings
it feels like I've been gone forever and I've missed you
I have good news on the writing front but I can't tell it here for fear of jinxing it

time to make soup