We can't all be winners

the most simple honey wheat sandwich bread gone horribly awry honestly I don't even know why I put it in the oven after this nightmare umm...rose... and continued to rise you can see where the very crown of the bread touched the top element of the oven

other than that monstrosity which Ivy Alvarez said looks like one of Ronald Reagan's hairdos I have been okay dealing with this lingering depression which feels like it's gone then pops back in to create havoc in my brain spaces I woke up the day before yesterday and my left knee was stiff so stiff I couldn't bend it and aching like the best swear word your grandpa ever said so I immediately googled CANCER KNEE because I always go to the extreme worst thing that could possibly happen but alas google told me that I was fat and sedentary and old which I already knew plus toss in the fact that I was kneeling in frozen mud to trim back a crapload of potatoes that unexpected sprang forth in my garden bed under my tulip bulbs for an hour and yesterday when I woke up the CANCER KNEE was gone leaving just a little stiffness in the back and now I'm sitting cross legged as I always do the sun is out it is 30 degrees Wolfie has a clicking noise in her head but I googled my kitten's head clicks and all I found was that kittens also teethe at six months old so I'm hoping it's a molar and that I don't have to swallow my savings account with kitten head surgery

it is December I put up all my Santa and Forest Animal decor and lights around the big front windows in hopes that I can shake this floating anxiety that might have as much to do with the news as it does with my mental illness I got out my advent calendar house which is shaped like an old pointy church with twenty five doors in it and I crammed a tiny chocolate snowman and a tiny chocolate teddy bear into each door by snapping off their respective heads still delicious I am told my houseplants continue to thrive in spite of my usual depression related depression plant-o-cide I have decided to really make a low and non-spendy Christmas for myself because I still can't afford to replace my glasses and it always makes me feel nasty to spend so much on crap for instance I'm still eating Thanksgiving dinner this year I'm making a spinach quiche and some guacamole and some beans for Christmas dinner and that is that

hello from the blacktail forest Darklings

it feels like I've been gone forever and I've missed you

I have good news on the writing front but I can't tell it here for fear of jinxing it

time to make soup

Love