Saturday, March 23, 2019

How can you be an artist and not reflect the times? ~ Nina Simone

I am attempting to fleeing the fire in my head the deer came through my yard on the Equinox reminding me that it was it is time to come back up I have been in the water I have been in the dirt I have been in the pudding deep in writing

depression wrapped its ugly hands around my throat for several months one month a week two days ago and squeezed finally I gave up and drove to Seattle to see DOGNURSE where she prescribed Latuda a new bipolar depression med she raved about after she took my blood pressure which was almost as weird as her asking me to step on her scale she gave me the prescription which I took to the chemist only to be informed that the 30 pills would be $700.00 that's with my insurance it would be $1,259.55 without my insurance I laughed with the chemist as he dumped the pills back in their vault or wherever they live and I called DOGNURSE and left a rather snippy ragey message on her machine is this something she should have known? I think so or did she forget I am on a fixed income on Medicare who knows she spelled my name incorrectly on the prescription again and she called back the next day and told me keep on doing what you have been doing which is being depressed so my shrink told me to continue being depressed and I'll probably get charged for the phone call hahahahaha this all made me think of Elizabeth and the crap she has to deal with all the time it also was a prim reminder that I am not fancy enough for my disease

in the meantime

Page's father sold the ranch in other words he sold the orchard the land Page has worked at steadily since he was 13 years old the land Page's father promised Page he would one day inherent I'm not sure what the exact story is but Page was suddenly out of work and here all the time and I felt like I had to hide in my bedroom to let him be and to keep what little I had of my sanity but he quickly got a job at the hilariously named Orchard's Nursery so I have my days of solitude back and when I say solitude I mean I talk to no one except Jack the Egg Man and the girl who checks my groceries

the lilacs have buds on them the fig tree has leaves and my peony has shot its strange red penis out of the ground searching for some feminine warmth the feral cats are almost a year old I paid the taxes on my house I stopped buying books so I could save money and I'm putting the tiny island library through its paces and now I have to get dressed in real clothes to go see Jack and go to the grocer

I have three new-to-you poems coming out in the tiny in April

 this post isn't much but it's a beginning I miss being here I missed you all my Darklings


Blogger Ms. Moon said...

Hello, dear Rebecca.
I hope that some light is filtering into the darkness like the light filtering into your forest in that gorgeous picture.
I'm glad Page got a job at the Orchard's Nursery. Is that where the orchard trees take their young for child care?
This post IS much and I hope it's a beginning. You have been so missed.

March 23, 2019 at 1:02 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

I am glad you are here. I am always glad you are here.

March 23, 2019 at 3:10 PM  
Blogger 37paddington said...

I missed you too. I'm sorry you've been in that place of darkness, but happy news about the poems. as mary says, this post is an ocean wide, and i was grateful to wade in.

March 25, 2019 at 6:54 AM  
Blogger maryrose larkin said...


March 26, 2019 at 10:28 AM  

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