Depression Before Spring

The cock crows

But no queen rises.

The hair of my blonde

Is dazzling,

As the spittle of cows

Threading the wind.

Ho! Ho!

But ki-ki-ri-ki

Brings no rou-cou,

No rou-cou-cou.

But no queen comes

In slipper green.

~ Wallace Stevens

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Dear Darklings, I am not depressed but I love that poem. I am back I will be back. The mania is passing passing though not passed. I wrote two poems this week my first in over a year not-Henry poems either though they are angry but who cannot be angry these days? And I'm dreaming again oh how I missed my dreams in spite of it all I love my brain. I have upped my Tegretol dose which makes me lazy and slow but this bout of mania held on with sharp nasty teeth. My lilacs have tight purple buds and wood violets have sprung up all over the forest floor a delicate purple carpet. It is early for me and I have been sending emails to myself to remind me what I wanted to tell you but could not. Soon. Today. I have to mop my kitchen floor first.

Love and thank you for reading here again for being patient.

ps. I really was paranoid when I wrote that I wasn't paranoid about writing about my mental illness. Thank you for not pointing it out to me. Thank you especially to my son who alerted me to my manic swing because for the first time since I was diagnosed I did not recognize it myself in time. Unfortunately it is a degenerative disease but so much magic has happened for me such beauty and natural joy.