I think I have broken through this bout? round? infection? of depression I think so because I have been able to read for the past two days I think so because I have wanted to write I think so because I woke up and read my old blog and realized how much I miss that little fire inside me that made me want to write to be a writer I woke and wanted to be a writer again then I ran a bath then I realized that is still me I am still a writer I also wanted to buy some amazing looking lipstick shaped like a cat from a French website but I did not

instead I replaced my beloved blue toaster which finally gave up the goat after 16 years of stellar service with a new version of the same exact toaster and this fills me with glee and hope also the peonies

the wind is mighty today branches flying everywhere I have had bronchitis and have been coughing so hard that it made me dizzy which in turn made me not anxious to drive so I have been stuck inside my house which is much easier these days when I am not actually stuck because every day I walk outside and around my forest and marvel still I want to drive maybe tomorrow maybe tomorrow maybe tomorrow

in spite of the lack of figs on this island and my fig tree still being an infant fig tree all is well I have miraculously dusted and today I’m going to make English muffins and chant at my goddamn tulips who are taking their sweet time getting out of the ground buster

for now for today hope