Pig and farm report

There is nothing happening here I dreamed of buffalo on an open plain I saw them in Montana when I was small I saw them from a train solid and sad snorting cartoon steam out of their noses this is my second buffalo dream my refrigerator sounds like a buffalo when it cycles it may be interrupting my dream head that and the wind which has not let up I don’t mind it right now nor do I mind the buffalo as long as they don’t trample my garden I read somewhere a woman wrote that her father was so miserly he turned the heat off at night and it traumatized her my theory is that while we’re asleep under down comforters and quilts it doesn’t matter so much especially if we have cats and buffalo to warm us my theory is the woman who wrote that never had to worry about money and especially never had her gas turned off in the winter because she couldn’t pay the bill I am glad for her there is nothing happening here except I feel worried and brittle and weird not mental weird but sick to my stomach weird which might be mental weird come to think of it I hope I'm still connected all the way through the neck bone connected to the thigh bone hear the word of the lord kind of connected I have a ball of metal shavings in the middle of my stomach last night I dreamed I made a huge wooden wheel maybe seventy feet in diameter and it was flat and turned like a playground wheel only not wobbly it turned very slow and all manner of animals were walking around on it dogs and cats and cows and pigs and goats and sheep and koalas and Tasmanian Devils and bears and deer and elephants and giraffes and raccoons and wombats and wolves and badgers and tigers and giant golden lions and horses all these animals walking around the wheel sauntering along then they clattered down a huge ramp and the ramp led the animals to the best place for them to live the tigers to the jungle the cows and horses to beautiful open fields and meadows the dogs to tall houses with children clapping their hands in delight and of course the buffalo back to Montana I just watched and gave the wheel a spin every now and then it was an involved cinematic dream made stronger by the new antidepressant I’m taking usually I dream I’m lost in the factory which turns into NYC if I begin having PTSD night terrors again I’m to stop the medication but there’s no nurse to tell me yes or no or answer hazy ask again later it occurred to me today that I’ll probably never eat at Bengal Tiger again that surely darling  Mohammed won’t be able to keep paying rent there with no business coming in Page is getting emails from all the taverns where he has photographed shows and they too are on the brink of ruin even The Tractor I don’t even know if there will be enough strawberries to make jam this summer I don’t know if the farmers market will be able to open or if Maria Sanchez will sell her spectacular peaches at her little stand in front of the furniture store none of us really know anything right now none of us can no anything there is nothing happening




A little red-haired girl of about twelve was there all alone. She had made herself a pair of earrings with sorb-apples; her grey linen bodice revealed bare shoulders, slightly bronzed by the sun; her white skirt was spotted with jam-stains; and her whole person had the grace of a wild animal, tense and fragile. 

~ Gustave Flaubert