Wednesday, February 19, 2020

I went out

I drove to the pharmacy then I drove to the organic store in Mt. Vernon where I bought a pile of bright green tomatillos and some baby turnips and rainbow carrots and beets and cheese then I came home made a couple pints of salsa verde with serrano chilies and popped the beets in the oven and I was rolling along quite happy then I had or caught or came down with maybe a rager panic attack that knocked my breath out now I’m on my soft gray couch with Jupiter on my lap trying to watch Press and my back muscles are tightening and I wonder as I always do if my happiness has been a wee bit manic because of nothing and also because I really should be worried about my situation which is that remember when my psychiatrist New Nurse moved and I changed doctors to continue to see her it turns out my new clinic’s “behavioral health” department doesn’t take Medicare!


OH, FUN!!!    she screeched




that’s right! Now I have to hunt for a new psychiatrist again and go through all that intake nightmare again and it’s been almost four months now since I last saw New Nurse who dumped me on Christmas Day and I’m almost out of bipolar etc meds so I picked a new new psychiatrist at random out of google a psychiatrist near me and I got a referral from my new regulation doctor and I’m waiting for old New Nurse to forward my records because she apparently can’t fax them to new New Nurse so she said she’d mail them to me and I have hurt feelers and I am angry that she has had two months to figure out that her new place of employment does not accept Medicare and I wonder how many other patients of hers who have Medicare who thought they would follow her are going to be surprised and it’s just a big shit show and why is behavioral health only for those who can afford insurance?

here is some of my delicious hot hot hot salsa verde and Jupiter sunning herself in this gorgeous early spring yes I know it’s 30 degrees but I say it’s spring



Also I have eaten an obscene amount of brie 

2 Comments:

Blogger Ms. Moon said...

I could sit here and type "oh fuck" for hours and it wouldn't be enough.
Really?
Well, I'm going to hope the best for you, of course, which means absolutely nothing to the universe no matter what anyone says.
Your salsa verde looks delicious. It's supposed to get down to 30 here on Friday night but it's definitely spring.
Azaleas and everything. Hard to deny purple.

February 19, 2020 at 4:43 PM  
Blogger Radish King said...

Yes Mary. I should have been screaming OH FUCK myself instead of doing laundry and cooking beans and cleaning the toilet all the while humming away because honestly it was just too hard to think about. I too 3 Ativan a little while ago and called the new new psychiatrist to let her know that my regulation doc sent the referral. I told her secretary the other day that I am only there for medication therapy even though I google picked her because she specializes in child abuse. I can’t bear to get close to another shrink who is just going to put me out with the Christmas wrapping.

Yep. As you can see I am fit as a fucking fiddle as we say here.

💋

February 19, 2020 at 4:50 PM  

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