Good morning campers!
tomorrow will be the 4th anniversary of my Big Lay-Off from My Ex Glamorous job such a shameful terrible time and I will not cherish it with any of that I will write simply that I could not see the future I could not see my mother ever dying so much so that I received a beautiful card in the mail yesterday and my first thought was oh god no it's a letter from my mother but I think that thought came from the stress of yesterday which included a trip to downtown Seattle to see DOGNURSE who moved her office into trendy gentrified Westlake Center I mostly said HI I'M FINE and showed her pictures on my phone to make the time pass then I told her that I was reading and writing and practicing my violin and she stopped me and said Oh that's right you used to be a violin teacher
she had forgotten that I was a violinist and truthfully I see my self my good clean intelligent insides as these things in this order 1. A Violinist 2. A Mother and 3. A Writer and the fact that she had clearly forgotten that I was 1. A Violinist was just another straw that and the 6 hour drive there and back I could have driven to Portland had lunch and still squeezed in the 19 minutes I spent with her and she didn't even give me prescriptions for my meds she just said she'd fax them to the chemist this after insisting that I HAD to see her to get my prescriptions on paper in order to be legal plus now that she's downtown in the middle of TOURIST CITY her dog can't come so no joy
however I reclaimed my joy by going to the Duck Blood store to buy figs! figs! beautiful figs! which I can't find on my island then I went to the marijuana store to get my CBD caps and was waited on by a man my age who began flirting with me and at one point he asked me What do you do? and I answered I AM A VIOLINIST because I was still pisspot angry at DN for denying one of the most important pieces of my innards for dismissing my self and honestly I like being flirted with especially when the flirter is safely behind a counter then the flirter said Say do you know So-And-So the clarinetist for the Symphony (the big one) and I said sure his son and my son went to school together then we had a flirtilicious conversation and it turns out the flirter and I had met at the clarinetist's son's birthday party and it restored my shaken innards and it allowed me to restore my 1. A Violinist self in that moment and he saw my bee tattoo and said it was royal and I told him that I was the Queen
isn't going to a shrink supposed to make you feel more not lesser after your session? in 14 days I will begin searching for a new shrink in earnest because I am done and done and done with that crap
tomorrow will be the 4th anniversary of my Big Lay-Off from My Ex Glamorous Job and little did I know that last year my horrible mother would kick the big bucket finally get her reward in whatever hell she chose for herself and leave me enough money to buy first a new car then a house with her death will little did I know my entire life would change for the better in that moment that I could rid myself of the Evil Landlord and The Dangerous Mold Infested House In The Ghetto little did I know hell I thought I was doomed forever and my ever loving thanks to those of you who carried me over those rough waters you know who you are anyone who read here and there and commented all of you my electric family who saved me
in ten days I leave for my annual camping trip on the central Oregon coast honestly I am so excited to go that I have packed my tent and my sleeping bag and my little cook stove and everything but my peanut butter sandwiches and thermos of coffee that's all I have to do between now and July 28th and July 29th is my birthday and I feel so good today I could burst but I won't I'm taking myself out to breakfast then I'm going to come home and clean Summer's End from top to bottom and yes I will whistle while I work and yes I will be filled with true joy
Love
ps. I bought a new tent here it is airing out in my backyard forest it is bright as a bumblebee!
posted by Radish King at 8:47 AM
13 Comments:
my favorite part of this post is the flirting that restored your violinist self to the center of your being. you have no idea how happy it makes me to read you happy. that tent in your back forest is, as my daughter would say, adorbs.
So happy you are ditching DN. There are too many like her, absorbed in themselves. We never do know, but you endured much suffering and I am elated at your turn in fortune. Hope you find a shrink who cares. Keep on reclaiming that joy!!
Xoxo
Barbara
This post is making me cry, Rebecca. I have wished you All Good Things so often and here you are, with many good things and that includes things that aren't things like clean piney air and knowing that your house is your house and not having to fret to buy beans or figs and well...just that peace of mind. I can't tell you how proud I am to know you and to know how strong you are. Plus, you're a musician and you know about me and musicians...
Have a wonderful time on the camping trip. I hope it's just the best. Moving to Westlake Center is reason enough to ditch the DN. That's a terrible location!
Glad you're ditching that DN. She sucks big time. Your mother did two things right - having you and leaving you with enough money to have a better life. I'm thrilled about both.
Violin/figs/the Duck Blood Store/Camping at the coast...I love reading about these favorite things of yours. xox
Dear R, I am so thankful that my 1. A Violinist self is practicing again that my fingers are reverse aging themselves that Bach is alive in my heart like Jesus. xo
Dear Barbara, I got your beautiful card the cherry tree in the moon today! Thank you. I have met many bad shrinks in my time but I got six good years with the Johnny Cash Psychiatrist and I loved and trusted him and I was so lucky to have had that time. I believe I will find another psychiatrist whom I can trust to do the right thing. xo
Mary, as you know I feel the same way about musicians. It's brought nothing but heartache and shame! And lots of fun. And way too much drinking and partying. Never let anyone tell you that classical musicians aren't as big a bunch of rowdy drunks as rockers. Sheesh. xo
Dear Tom, I opened a book in my library (how delicious that is to write) and found a letter you wrote me a while ago. Also received your latest. I'm glad you've stayed with me. I adore you. xox
Allison, Westlake is the WORST and a parking nightmare. It is time now that I have roosted here. It is passed time. I go camping once every year to remind myself that I still can. I figure once I hang up my sleeping bag I will actually be old and crazy instead of just crazy. The central Oregon coast is still one of the most beautiful places I know. It is always my destination. Thank you.xo
Dearest Pam, who would have thought?!? I am filled with a ridiculous amount of what feels like religious joy. Out here on the edge. I think you would love it here. xo
Joanne, thank you. And yes my mother managed to be a mother only in giving birth three times and then again with her death a second birth for me! I am rolling rolling (in the deep) and I owe you mail! Xxxxoooo
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