Pig and farm report

this morning I ran around my house with Jupiter and her magic elastic string she is busy hunting birds through the window a few seconds ago I thought one of the hummingbirds was in the house because I noticed its reflection on my floor right next to my feet but it was only shadow thankfully once when I was married a bird flew into our little house and I was alone and didn't know what to do so I put a wastebasket over it then sat on the wastebasket until my husband came home and rescued the poor bird I am a grown ass woman now and can deal

when I wrote that I ran around my house that is literal Jupiter is a fine companion and she loves to chase she also loves to play peek-a-boo there is no other way to describe it I crouch down on one side of the sofa and then pop my head out and she pops out and this could go on for hours if we let it

I never think of myself as her mother however I know many people who refer to their pets as their children or their babies I just don't though I won't judge you if you do at least not so you could hear

and that's all the MD crap I'm going to post today as I do not observe though my son called to tell me that he is coming home tonight and will be here a few days until he goes back for Dennis's memorial service next Saturday

grief flows in and out of me
Dennis struggled with cancer for ten years which is a very long time and he was in terrible pain those entire ten years and he and his wife believed that Jesus would cure him
they prayed a lot

Dennis occasionally snuck out and shared a beer or a toke with Jim though and a couple months ago when Page was there Dennis came roaring up on his four wheeler even though he had a tumor pressing into his brain and was not supposed to ride it

fuck rules

yesterday I listened to part six of S.Town a podcast in the house and cleaned and dusted and then rearranged the pantry then I listened to part seven of S.Town out on my deck in my brand spanking new plastic patio chair with my legs up in the actual real sun later on once the podcast was done I wanted to keep listening so I put on my Books on Tape (cd) version of American Gods and made tortillas I have read American Gods twice and watched the first season of the television show that was on last year several times so I didn't have to listen as hard as I listened to S.Town about which the indomitable Mary Moon wrote here and I ate liberally of fresh warm tortillas with nothing but butter so delicious and then I wrote

by the way S.Town is remarkable as good and compelling as a sprawling southern gothic novel

yesterday morning I decided it was time to finally fetch the eight notebooks that contained my hand-written notes from the Robert A. Roth Study Center in Chicago there is a dangerous stack of notebooks that hold not only those notes but an entire novel and who knows what else piled in an inverted pyramid in the library closet which is how I pile everything strangely and I had been dreading having many heavy things drop on my head when I finally decided to let them loose but I got my flashlight and my steel-toed boots and my tool belt and a canary in a cage and I tossed back a cold beer (not really I don't drink anything at all my pancreas says NO) and dove in and as I was standing on my little step stool I noticed a tidy pile of notebooks in my green bookcase the antique bookcase I bought on the island last summer so I opened the glass door and Lo! and Behold! there were the eight notebooks

somehow during my frantic move here to Summer's End I managed to separate those notebooks from their herd and I honestly don't remember doing it or putting them in the green bookcase but I did and now there are alive and seething

I was going to post something here today from them from the hybrid animal I am writing (Thank you Rosemarie for the encouragement on this) that was originally going to be an introduction to Queer Wing-ed but now looks like it will be its own book its own something as it is voluminous and goes deep I am working with a group of writers on it in particular Shanna Compton founder editor and chief bottle washer of Bloof Books who created a safe space in Slack for those of us who dare but it is too dark of a post for a day like this

drinking coffee watching the green forest burning a ginger and grapefruit scented candle eating fresh tortillas with butter for breakfast hello Darklings hello from the forest the ocean the last end of the world

Love