Sunday, August 18, 2019

Pig and farm report

I have written deeply about my panic attacks that occur whenever I have to go to a store or be around actual meat people any time ever

this morning I drove to the store for a leek and some celery as soon as I started my car I felt like it was bubbly knobby halting rocky weird hesitant maybe like a reluctant pony even though my car is only three years old even though my car still has a thousand miles to go before it needs an oil change even though yesterday my car was perfectly healthy

I drove it anyway but this kind of crazy makes me terribly sad because my car was fine but I was

a.paranoid
b.panicky
c.a reluctant pony
d.all of above


something else happened as I was waiting in line to pay for my groceries

the woman behind the woman behind me an older woman with jesus helmet hair said to the woman behind me YOU SURE ARE TAN HOW DID YOU GET SO TAN YOU DIDN’T GET THAT TAN HERE

the woman answered this is the color I am

o god


5 Comments:

Blogger Ms. Moon said...

O god indeed.
When I am very anxious I think that I am dying, my car is dying, my computer is dying. Everything is dying. I dream that this is all true. Like dreams in my sleep not like "I had a dream."
It's terrible.

August 18, 2019 at 12:55 PM  
Blogger Radish King said...

Yes and yes. My new PTSD meds have taken away my nightmares though. At first I slept so soundly I didn’t dream at all. Then my dreams came back but not my night terrors nightmares.
❤️

August 18, 2019 at 1:09 PM  
Blogger 37paddington said...

Ignorance is forgivable sometimes. The woman in the store may or may not fall into that category. I don’t know. I bet she didn’t help settle the paranoid panicky reluctant pony one bit. When I met you in the meat world you were all warm light and love and deep healing hugs. I remember always.

August 19, 2019 at 7:44 PM  
Blogger Adie Das said...

I thinks it's a reluctant Pony, that misses you, as she can't visit you in the herd of nightmares anymore.

August 21, 2019 at 12:07 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

When I was last up in the PNW, Carl and I stayed at a Bed and Breakfast, and only I made an appearance with the owners because Carl was out photographing super early. The woman who owned the place saw me and said, "You are so beautiful and exotic!" and I thought, "wait til you see my boyfriend!" Honestly, dark skin is EXOTIC? We still laugh at that.

August 21, 2019 at 12:18 AM  

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