Dear Darklings, The Animal Gods were in attendance

some of you know I was in hospital again for pancreatitis I got out Wednesday I think or Tuesday I lost complete track of time hooked up as I was to a fairly steady stream of dilaudid which made my shoulders ache and my dreams spectacular after my son drove me to the ER in Mt. Vernon as I was puking on my shoes which btw if you ever want attention fast in a hospital puking is key this is my first day sitting up and I'm not sure how long I can sustain that but I wanted to write about how lovely the little hospital was how attentive the nurses were how careful the physicians after of course the fight over my psych meds which is always the same fight the same oh we don't want you to take them conversation until I swing wide and I warned them I would swing wide and I did because there is nothing like physical pain to bring about a depressive or manic episode so after the endless weeping saline in saline out so to speak they changed their minds

I had two dreams I remember distinctly the first was my son sitting in the chair next to my bed he got up and waked toward the bathroom door and as he walked he grew a thick orange and black swishing tail then he transformed into a tiger where he leapt on top of the bathroom door and sat watching me

the second dream was my son sitting in the chair next to my bed holding a huge golden dog and a huge black dog on leashes the dogs the size of full grown male lions

in the background during my stay the television stayed on a station that was playing Criminal Minds non-stop 24/7 I never watch Criminal Minds or any of those crime shows because of the ultra violence of them but I was so filled with drugs and pain that I could not find my way to the button on the bed that would turn off the television

I feel that my son and the Animal Gods were protecting me

this morning we went to the beach an 8 minute drive because I had to get out I noticed two giant buffalos in a yard where I had only before seen trees and meadow and cherry trees all over the place in their fancy pink it felt good to get dressed as it will feel good to get back into my soft nightgown here in a minute

I am about done but before I go I want to show you where I'm going to plant my garden as soon as I have the strength my son pulled the noisy goddamned rhododendrons out with a chain and his truck revealing three cantilevered raised garden beds right outside my kitchen and I am unsure of my use of cantilevered here which comes as no surprise since I recently did not have the where-with-all to turn my head to barf

here is the first giant rootball he pulled out and you can see the chain attached to it those rhodies were ten to twelve feet tall and I hate them as their petals are disgusting and sticky when they fall and even though they're pretty they are literally everywhere here as pesky as ivy

here are the three beds there are still some roots that need to be pulled but it hasn't stopped raining since that day it doesn't look like much yet but the beds are twelve feet long (the three together) and four feet wide and very deep perfect for tomatoes and zucchini and snow peas and carrots oh my

and one other thing right before I went to my wee visit away a male Rough-Legged Hawk or Buteo lagopus if you love words and names flew up right outside my bedroom window up up up into a tree where he perched forever until he flew down and left via the deer trail in my backyard according to my bird book he has a 53 inch wingspan I thought at first he was an owl come to collect my soul

that's all the news that fits as soon as my innards heal I'm going to the John Deere store to get me a chainsaw

and one of those green hats

LOVE