Vigil

here then is my fresh hair after I drove home with all my car windows including the moon roof open I didn't want to get much of my face in this photo because there is nothing like sitting in front of a giant mirror for 2 and a half hours looking at yourself especially with wet hair aka naked mole rat to waken all the feelings of insecurity at least I'm not bald (my mother was bald from a very young age and took to wearing the most hideous of wigs) though I look like it in this photo that is just white hair and I love it and if it were to grow all over like that instead of in skunk stripes then I'd let it the white hair refuses color seriously I could dye them black and the dye would instantly fling itself off the way Paris the Genius Cat used to fling Petromalt off his paw when I tried to cajole him into eating it come hairball season

going to the City takes a strange dance I can't drive when I'm manic I am all over the road and I don't give a flying fuck about even getting out of bed when I'm depressed so I have to plan as little in advance during a balanced spell and hope I make it such as today when everything was easy driving parking listening to Mozart and Sufjan Stevens then Mozart again turned up loud hit the freeway like a champ leaving the forest for the highway entering the City bursting with cherry trees and my beloved crows who I miss so much in spite of the ravens and eagles and hawks here those crows are part of my sense memory their humor their voices their names for we humble humans their care for their own I loved seeing them and looking at all the fancy of the city and later after the prostitutes on Aurora I went to the Duck Blood Store for fresh Greek feta and good bagels and incense and driving home I started to shake like a dog shitting peach pits when I realized that eating an apple this morning and a banana for lunch had caused my blood sugar to bottom out and when that happens I look like a broken wind-up bird I could barely hold on to my steering wheel

once I got home I crammed an entire bagel into my face and made the rest of my potato salad then had a huge helping okay two huge helpings of it which were delicious and the shaking stopped I get shaky when I'm manic too so I wasn't sure if I was truly happy happy or becoming manic happy what with the trembling but it turned out to be happy happy what a fuckeroo I did love my trip though two hours each way I remembered my true City Girl Heart but I was so thankful to leave even the crows and the noise and the stink and the rude drivers and the purple balloon in a tree that was not a hawk

I love my salon stylist Mandy and I will sing her praises forever and I told her she wasn't allowed to retire or move until I die never NEVER AGAIN will I get my hair pretend cut out here in the sticks

it was 61 degrees which felt like August in New York which is why my hair blew all around and up and out then went flat as it is in the photo but I've fluffed it back up so it is pretty now and no one but the owls and coyotes to see

it's quiet here the boy has escaped and I probably will be forced to eat all his chocolate yes I still buy my adult son an Easter basket and I probably always will

this is one lame ass post

xoxox