Saturday, September 8, 2018

Pig and farm report

this is a placeholder in case I lose my place

yesterday I woke up with a cotton stuffed head signaling depression it lasted all day then I went outside during a big rain storm the first of the season and dug up the rest of my potatoes

this morning when I woke the depression was gone and my left shoulder blade ached up and down its meridian

then I ate two breakfasts which were only one breakfast but I'm not much of a breakfast eater unless it's for dinner

now I'm preparing to bake an olive oil and orange cake

this might seem simple but the truth is that I'm rapid cycling which is the joy of depression and mania hitting me at the same time

the truth is that I'm writing it here so I remember so I can track so I know how long it lasts so next time I can remind myself

the truth is that it's awful and terrifying not one thing not the other a roller coaster ride fuckery

I will take the dreaded zombie Seroquel tonight then sleep the sleep of the living dead and hopefully knock it out of myself in a day or two

the truth is typing this made me cry

see? see? proof

I'll see you on the other side

crazytown

xo






3 Comments:

Blogger Ms. Moon said...

I know you hate hate taking the Seroquel (does that translate to "suppress the blood"?) and I respect you so much for doing it when you need to.
May the roller coaster slow quickly.

September 8, 2018 at 2:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Never have I felt so much understood as in this post of yours. Thanks.
Love from rabbit lady Amsterdam

September 9, 2018 at 2:57 AM  
Blogger 37paddington said...

I’m here, keeping the vigil with you, sending so much love.

September 9, 2018 at 8:07 AM  

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