Pig and farm report

every morning after I wake up I want to write then I get busy in the day and I lose that impulse this is 90% caused by the news cycle out of the white house which amazingly gets worse every single day and still nothing has happened to the tiny pig fucker king today after I heard about Elijah Cummings’ death I thought these people are just sliding off the earth's skin which has become dangerously slippery then I thought I am only two years younger than Elijah Cummings then I thought yikes

in the past few days I have put the winter sweater on the outside spigot I know sweater is not the actual name for it but it looks like a milk engorged styrofoam breast and connects with a rubber band then I took my car in for an oil change my son cleared the roof of pine needles and pine branches  this is all boring and way more exciting in my head

here is my autumnal table all the tomatoes and roses gone now pears and apples and garnet yams that iridescent pumpkin soup tureen was the second thing I bought for the house after I bought the gravy boat that I coveted for so many years and I have not yet put soup in the tureen or gravy in the boat but I am not sorry I bought them

yesterday I asked my son to drive me to the co-op in Mount Vernon for organic vegetables so I can make minestrone on the way I saw a huge coyote standing in a field of frozen pumpkins and the Stillaguamish River which runs under the bridge that connects the island to the mainland has been partially diverted to build a new lake and park and I think the salmon must be running there because the entire body of water was filled with snow geese with their black tipped white wings honking away they are noisy and spectacular and this explains why the birders have been lurking about and I flushed this pheasant out of a marsh when I squatted to pee in a cornfield (the cornfields are done don't worry) O he was huge and such a surprise to both of us

I saw New Nurse twelve days ago and she told me that I could buy the doxazosin I had originally taken for PTSD induced anxiety which my insurance denied me for fairly cheap at Walmart truly I was in no hurry to go back to Walmart and truly I didn't understand why my insurance would let me buy meds at Walmart but not at my regulation drug store so I farted around and continued to take the prazosin instead which accosted me with gross side effects including constant nausea and my first ever yeast infection SERIOUSLY GROSS SIDE EFFECTS so maybe you are chortling at me now which is also my first ever use of the word chortle in writing ever maybe you are wondering how I could possibly be so dense so yes I chortled too because it took me twelve days and thirty years to figure out that I could buy meds without my insurance company's permission as long as I had the paper prescription in my hands so I called Rite Aid another pharmacy close to me and asked them how much their doxazosin cost and they told me $12 so I bought it 

what the hell what the fucking hell Rebecca???

was I so locked into the Big Pharma machine that I could not figure this out on my own?
was I incredibly naive?

was I six years old or what?

all of this speculation of my dumb aside I have not had the terrible free floating anxiety since I started on the doxazosin over a month ago it is for now absent from me gone and I've been sleeping every night and today the wind is up and strong and I might lose power but even if I do I will be okay I'm making soup I'm cooking oatmeal in my wee slow cooker the cats are on my bed and all is well all is well in my world

hello hello Darklings from Summer's End where the table is laden and the coyotes are watching