Pig and farm report

join me this morning for kaffe and apple cranberry kuchen especially if you have to go into The Outside today or for instance The Grocery Store

I sent my son for berries and cheese and greens I have everything else I need jengaed into the pantry and refrigerator by him because he gets panicky when there is not enough room and after living in that dank tiny house can you blame him and I get panicky when there is too much abundance too much food too much of anything but that is who I am we carry ourselves in our ways

I’ve taken to sending emails to myself as reminders as a way to stave off dementia or perhaps as I prefer to think because my big brain is just so busy up in there last night I found this creepy and baffling message I sent to myself a week ago

Re: Add raspberries and rubber gloves 

I don’t even want to consider what that recipe might have been

once again I am up against the onslaught of holiday memories in that woman’s house and memories of the winters I was homeless and the stark pain those memories bring but I no longer want to drug or drink or fuck or eat myself into unconsciousness in order to deal with them and I no longer dwell inside them I just stand in the wintery Skagit River in my tall boots and watch them rush by

these holidays are now for my son and me proudly and profoundly and for whomever else might be in need I bought a carful of groceries for the town’s food bank and diapers and toiletries for the homeless shelter there we have no such programs out here on the island though I know the hungry people are out here I recognize at least one red truck that has been camping (living) at the state park for months now a man and a woman I wish I could do something for them but they have built a little fortress for themselves and I understand that too the best I can do for now is look out for them keep my blue eyes on them make sure their truck and camping gear are safe when I walk into the trails I will never take anything for granted and I will never forget


I woke before dawn and threw six apples into the woods for the deer and the foxes and the rabbits then I came in and had kuchen and coffee and thawed out in front of the little propane fire later I will candy some pecans and later I just might decide to stay here in my house in my woods until January