Pig and farm report

I have been just okay for the past three days and yesterday I was okay and today I woke up hungry and as I was sitting in my bed drinking Actual Real Coffee I decided to bake bread because I am still too weak to drive when Hal and Jupiter came tearing across my bed knocking the coffee cup out of my hand onto my snowy snowy white expensive beloved duvet cover so I got up unzipped the cover pulled it off my down comforter in a flurry of feathers

it was a serious flurry
SERIOUS

I don’t know why it was so leaky inside there but I headed out into the 38 degree 5AM morning shook the feathers out on my porch tossed the duvet in the washing machine then took the comforter out and shook it too sending enough feathers into my forest to terrify any bird of any size ever

then I just stood there and breathed I have probably written too much here about how good it smells here in the forest always this deep fragrance of wood smoke and sea salt and  rain and pine trees and tall willowy madronas with their show offy red bark and underneath the bright green damp forest floor my darling trees I poured a fresh cup of coffee lit the propane fire and watched the sun rise through the thick woods across the road I turned on my little corner lamp in the outer outer room and the lamp to to my left that looks like a tree with a small lantern hanging from its branch and watched the two cars that go to work from the house that is a mile away down the hill behind me and I wondered if they missed my brave morning little lamps in my still curtainless house the only lights on this long stretch of road these small joys that sustain me

once the duvet cover was washed and dried it took me three hours to wrestle it back onto my comforter and my shoulders and back ached from it because I am more than a little bit weak and it is a horrible thing to do and there is no goddamn easy way around it like folding fitted sheets but wouldn’t they be easier if the buttons or zippers on a duvet cover were on the side instead of at the bottom?

I defrosted a pint jar of marinara I made last January and a small jar of  pesto I made from my garden this summer then I opened and drained some sun dried tomatoes from their oil and found a chunk of Gouda in the back of my fridge this is the stuffing for my bread I will eat it dipped the marinara for lunch and dinner and probably breakfast and lunch tomorrow my son is helping his father clear the orchard of the last of the apple and cherry trees no more apples for us the whole situation makes me deeply sad as that orchard was Page’s inheritance and yes my ex will get a shit ton of money for selling the property and yes he still has his gorgeous house with its steps leading down to Lake Osoyoos but still the trees the hundred year old fruit trees

I had some other things I wanted to tell you revelations large and small for instance how eye opening and liberating it was to realize that I can just say no when asked to step on the scale at a doctor’s office a horrific trigger point for me that wakes up my early abuse memories it isn’t against the law to do so just.         No.     but I’m tired again and I have bread dough to stuff

my timer rang time to go check on the first rise meanwhile here’s a photo of the majestic graceful feral feline Prince Hal