The blue hour

I have been awake since 4:30 this morning listening to the rain caught in a bit of fairy magik during the quiet that happens when waking after my guts feel sorry and strained then calm it’s still dark one or two cats purring at my feet or near my side the day has not yet intruded my email goes untended the house is settled the day still out of reach shiny as a wrapped present and I read a little bit usually the online version of The Paris Review or some other journal to the blue glow of my iPad this is when my brain works at maximum flow this is the time in which I should write but more often than not I just lie in bed under my snow white comforter and bask until the owls hoo their wake up question I don’t know when exactly I became a morning person I think it must have been when the composer disbanded the orchestra and I stopped going to rehearsals every Tuesday at 7 pm then went out after to The Berkshire Grill with everyone until very late then woke too early to get to work on time I used to practice at night and write at night inside my most creative self but now that I have the forest and the sea to care for mornings have become touchstones they have become magik the fairy time in between sleep and solid wakefulness

I will watch the impeachment hearings this morning as much of them as I can stand yesterday when Nancy Pelosi was speaking and msnbc broke in on her to report yet another school shooting I sat on my soft raincloud of a sofa and sobbed after that I fried a huge pan of onions and potatoes and ate them at the kitchen table with my son while we talked about how these children their parents and the first responders the survivors will probably suffer the rest of their entire lives with trauma and addiction and PTSD related illnesses my son told me about a high school student he worked with at the nursery who said he was looking forward to graduation if I can get there without being shot we all grew up with danger there were no good old days but nothing like this fear this constant worry about being gunned down in the cafeteria or library at school and yet the tiny vile man in charge of the country could not be bothered to tweet concern until five hours later and even then it was clear that he didn’t write it himself as it was spelled correctly without random caps as his gestapo captain Mitch stops gun control bills at their birth

my son is going to take over the kitchen today and bake cookies and I will be happy to wander in and eat cookie dough with a spoon and listen to the television as long as I can stand it

Good morning Darklings may you find a spark of magik for yourself today may it hold back the shadows