yesterday I had to get my taxes prepared because I no longer have the mental stability to do them myself this is because of my disease which is degenerative these days I look at forms and numbers and numbers move around on the page and the forms are in a language that is now foreign to me and so it is and so I had terrible stress Thursday knowing I had to go see a tax person in an office and explain that I was disabled and had not made enough money the past two years to even bother filing for taxes so I drove to La Conner to look at the tulips and fallingdown barns and hawks and cows and goats and farms a road trip always helps then yesterday morning I went to the tax person I managed to get all my tax paper ducks in a row I don't know why I worry about it so much I do keep clean and careful files which is easy to do when you are poor and only have one tax document but I am grateful that I advised Boeing to take a crapload of money out of my pension check for taxes because I will get enough on my return to pay the taxes on my house all of this tax business though makes me feel itchy and sick though it went impossibly easy but I could hear myself talking word salad I couldn't stop the words from flying through my mouthhole talking about my crazy my poor past my dead mother all of it the weirdness the crazy growing wings and flying out of my body with knives all of it bad leaving the house talking in a closed space all of it sick making

then I came home and baked this gluten free sour cream cheesecake and it is delicious I had some for breakfast with fresh strawberry coulis and the gluten free graham crackers didn't really cut it for the crust but it still tastes like Easter to me and so far it's stayed inside yes I have a pink cake stand of course I do

The Surfer will be gone tomorrow the first time ever he has been gone on Easter ever and I feel a little bit bad but not bad enough to let him know and I'm making a lasagna just for the hell of it and today I am cleaning cleaning cleaning and in a few minutes I'm driving to Seattle for the last of my prescriptions at my old chemist and to make a stop at the cannabis store and to check for figs at the Duck Blood Store and to go on the hunt for lilacs to liberate

as soon as they are available I'm going to buy a large magnolia and two different lilac trees for my yard I am outside most of the days now even in the rain and all of Summer's End is greeny and smells like the very best day of camp inside the house are vases of tulips and daffodils all over in every room

LOVE