Holy Monday

this is probably my favorite Bible story because Jesus had just traveled all the way to Jerusalem only to find the nasty money lenders (banks, those payday cash loans places, creditors, bill collectors, slumlords and the IRS) doing their business in the temple and he turned their tables over and coins flew everywhere rolling along those stone floors into god knows what kind of crevices forever then Jesus whipped them with his donkey stick until they bled and created the Red Sea meek and mild? I don't think so

I decided to treat my Palm Sunday misery to some retail therapy which turned out to be a very bad idea first off I almost drove into two different ditches and I kept rolling over the road turtles that warn you that you're about to get killed by a giant flatbed truck carrying forty huge cedar trees this is how my head gets when depression and anxiety meet up in there to cause trouble

I drove to the grocer's and bought two baby watermelons four champagne mangoes and fifteen small cartons of yogurt which is about all I eat these days then I stopped at Orchard's Nursery (their name really is Orchard) where I bought a concrete birdbath that is a wide shallow bowl with bunnies frolicking around its edge and also Saint Francis of Assisi that's right I bought RELIGIOUS STATUARY but it was 30% off and I can put it on the deck right outside my bedroom window I was so excited about it about having an actual birdbath instead of using my bread bowl which is unsanitary to say the least and also my bread bowl broke last time when it accidentally froze over night with water in it then I called my son and told him he'll have to pick up the birdbath because it weighs a trillion pounds when he rolls around this week and I was driving as I was on the phone and he was cranky in the orchard and he yelled at me because he said the birdbath will bring mosquitoes and I reminded him that I live on an island forfucksake there is water everywhere EVERYWHERE and there will be mosquitoes but not in my birdbath because if you change the water in a birdbath every seven to ten days you can beat the mosquitoes at their game sheesh he treats me like a beginner

and I cried of course

then I thought a manicure would be just the thing for me so I went to the little salon at the IGA and picked out the softest pink imaginable but quick as a hummingbird Anna my manicurist ran and grabbed the most hideous shade of pink on the face of the planet and began slathering my nails with it she said it matched my skin I told her I was too old she laughed at me and I really like her so now I am stuck with it

when I got home I bought this dress which is the correct shade of pink I hope and I'm sure I'll look exactly like this girl when I wear it

here are my hideously pink fingernails and my old lady hand and my healthy plants the bright side being maybe a hummingbird will alight on me thinking I'm a begonia

I had coffee on the deck this morning wearing the peacoat my son bought for me at the Army Navy Surplus Store when we started moving in December the coat is HUGE three of me could fit inside I thought I was smiling when I photographed myself but now that I reconsider I see that I am probably grimacing because I had my nightie on (of course) and the peacoat doesn't cover my bottom and I was sitting on a metal folding chair and my butt was frozen to said metal chair though my grimace looks rather royal to me if I pretend that the enormous hood is a crown

I have to go my computer is out of juice and is about to go to sleep and besides I have Easter eggs to dye

LOVE