Saturday, June 24, 2017

is such a weak word in writing it is a clearing of the throat but I don't care if Kurt Vonnegut can do it so can I also the weak word thing is just a rule I imposed on myself for the craft of poetry which is different than regulation writing but should not be
my ex husband showed up this morning to fetch his son then he came in then he stayed
also a weak word metaphors are much stronger than similes
I was in the kitchen making enchiladas because it is a version of stress baking what with all the veggie prep and tortilla making and sauce cooking etc
I wonder if he thought I was going to make him lunch
he talked about his brother reminding me that his brother was his brother hello! we were married for ten years I know who your brother is
he mansplained to me about how to get the pine needles off my roof and how to clean the gutters
he talked about his now religious sister and her husband who I adored at one time back when animals could talk
then I pushed gently guided him outside where he spent over ten minutes mansplaining (again) how to care for the trees on my property good thing I didn't mention I have a septic tank or that would have been another hour of mansplaining
I was getting itchy twitchy my son was hovering waiting for me to crawl out of my skin waiting for my entire skin to shed and hit the deck in a pasty pink puddle
because my son understands that I am not a social animal my son has the goods on me my son knows

then they left thank bog with five of my giant peanut butter cookies wrapped in tin foil like eight year olds going to day camp

now I am simmering sauce and trying to watch LaLa Land and truthfully I cannot get my brain inside it I just cannot I have no idea where this movie came from or why it is a representation of LA I have never been to LA though I have been in and around that area my vision of LA lies in better movies the Watts riots and Elizabeth  I would not mind taking a trip there but I won't be singing and dancing well I might dance one never knows truthfully I might even sing but not that way

today the tides are at their lowest for the year and it's going to be hot for here 80 degrees might not be hot for you but it is here it was 80 degrees yesterday too and I had all the windows in the house open and the breeze came through and I felt comfortable the entire day maybe after I cook the enchiladas I will go to the lake and swim though yesterday I stepped on the business end of an X-acto knife blade yes I stabbed myself in the foot just like in the movies except only I could get stabbed with the pointy point of an X-acto blade therefore today I'm wearing a bandaid on the bottom of my foot and a sock this is all incredibly boring

I have nothing

good morning from Summer's End where the fun never stops

*So it goes, from Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut

Friday, June 23, 2017

I am horse-heart drunk on Wild Turkey the promise of sugar peas and striped radishes with one clichéd red rosebud I strung the plastic clothesline in my forest grabbed the clips for chips clips off the kitchen counter as I don’t have chips but I do have underwear and sheets to dry in the sun this morning a landscape frenzy cleared off my dresser emptied my dresser drawers my bedside table put heavy blankets away exposed my sea quilt with floating jellyfish put my laundry away painted my toenails whore red put escaped books back on their shelves scrubbed the bathroom lit a candle I’m preparing for a guest a gold visitor a breathless graduation an infant a church inside a church underneath the freeway I prepare for the end of the world wedding banquet where Jesus is the Bride and Bridegroom at the Church of ME. I prepare my wedding bed. I prepare the meal I bake giant peanut butter cookies to crack surrender and share. There is some serious shaking going on under the apocalypse train finally rumbling up the track and I shovel coal even my hair waves out from my scalp electric and soft and thick. Weird excitement. Fear. I can smell the lowest tide of the year when I step outside. Divination with pea tendrils and fiddlehead ferns.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

the most boring post in the universe and a wee frog

I made a savory custard this morning and I pinched off my basil leaves then I rubbed them between my hands for their perfume and when I smelled my hands my sense/thought was of small pox blankets I have no idea of course if small pox blankets smelled sweet but I had a diabetic friend when we were both in our twenties and when her insulin was off her entire body had a strange sweet smell

yesterday was so exciting for me that my brain spun out my son and I ended up going to an early dinner and I ate so quickly and so much having forgotten lunch and having not had much breakfast and then I felt too full like after Thanksgiving and sleep did not come and did not come and did not come until around 3 this morning

so it goes

today I went to the beach then made salsa verde cruda which I tend to put on everything then washed a ton of clothes and then nothing I am still at nothing even though there is much to do to do to do

I saw this wee green frog when I was clearing out some crap and exposing a gorgeous white trellis in front of which I'm going to plant my giant sunflowers he was so tiny if he dropped into my hair I could have worn him as a barrette and I never would have noticed and that's about it for me
no one guessed why I named my hutch Hutch so it might be that no one is reading here maybe I'm shunned like the Amish I was shunned for a while at My Ex Glamorous Job I know how it feels so here's a hint though the contest is over as promised Ms. Lockwood's memoir will go into the book bin at the giant grocery store next week

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

pictures of euphoria

Trailed her hand through water a blue egg sack bitch and snarl she wanted to say everything in bright shoes tight shorts thrust against the washing machine a cubby for each running sore each raw bone each torn muscle each beg to know what was what and why the fuck did she remain stuck fingering herself awake covered in gliss yelp growl her alert sleek the conversation perfect all she wanted was that empty room him naked and full in the corner her hair in his fist the streets so humid she couldn't breathe. Three times she grunted his name the first a surprise the second in an alley in Chicago the third face down in the Methow Valley with cheat grass springing up crawling along her legs a true fake crime scene where everyone held their breath waiting for seepage and insects. At dinner she pressed the teeth of a fork into her thigh to open the glare monster stored in his holster and don't think it was easy. She's terrified now she's started she won't be able to push the planchette back to NO. Oh god. When she swims too far into the ocean the water becomes a green glass bowl with edges rippled like Christmas candy.
I have been going fast all day

the boy arrove this morning with his gigantic truck and we moved the antique hutch from the antique store into the library at Summer's End we took out the glass that goes in the door because the hutch is ancient and oak and extremely heavy and the glass was thin I wrapped it in my polka-dot beach towel and carried it home on my lap here is Jupiter having a peek inside because she needs to know everything that happens in the house and outside she told me she approves

the hutch has a history it was built at the beginning of the 20th century at the Illinois Cabinet Company in Rockford then it was shipped to Frontier Wyoming where it lived for a long long time before making its way to Camano Island then to Summer's End there is a mirror in which the children's bookshelf and my arm and side boob is reflected in the photo up top

it is the first actual really great antique anything I have ever purchased for myself though I was given my large heavy mirror and the now disappeared piano and my tableslashdesk I am so happy to have it thrilled in fact I became Superwoman and filled the hutch with books and moved stuff around and I still have space in the hutch which is magically HUGE inside like the wardrobe in Narnia and now my library is actually beginning to look like a library even though I had to move the boxes my son secreted in there back to his room the library will be the library not a breeding ground for random boxes of blankets and car parts I told him if he doesn't have room in his actual room he is welcome to move his stuff to his father's house or the girl's house or etc I promised the library to myself it is extremely important to me and it is shaping up to be magic

after all this moving and dusting and sneezing and the delight in seeing empty space on the coffee table which is in the middle of the library (it was made by my friend Bob who also made the matching floor to ceiling bookshelf which takes up the entire north wall of the library) the boy and I went to lunch at a local Mexican place then he came back and mowed the vast lawn and now he's heading back out

here is the label on the back of the hutch which I have named Hutch the first person who can guess why I chose that name will receive a fabulous Radish King prize--a copy of Patricia Lockwood's fantastic memoir Priestdaddy this offer will disappear tomorrow morning at 9 AM

I hope the beginning of summer is amazing for you and you and you

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

leaf or slug?

I drove to the beach this morning as I always do and it looked like this

when I arrived home there was a white car parked in my driveway and I backed up and watched as Mr and Mrs call me Lisa Kooper were getting out but the paranoia had already roiled up leaving me shaking physically and internally and irrationally angry which means I'm still manic still inside it goddamn the first time in six months anyone has dropped by except Alice which reminds me Alice is here not in Japan but one wee town over and she has not called I guess she won't which makes me both sad and paranoider and of course still manic

I reheated some beans and had huevos rancheros with my delicious orange-yolked roadside eggs and my own salsa verde (tomatillos garlic onion serrano pepper salt pepper) I coyoted it down (wolf down seems off on account of the coyote visit this morning) then I tried to write a letter and my hands were shaking so hard I made a mess of it and now all my worry hairs are standing up shouting at me and I'm back in my Christmas nightgown which is my version of comfort food and my belly is rumbling really noisy and I just want to hide I would be baking up a storm but I am out of flour and I am afraid to drive again

I feel this way too when my phone rings when people message me on FaceBook for no real reason when people invade and some invade more than others and I have written about this over and over and over though I am still taken to task for it ugh

I can smell the low tide from my little end of the island and walking to the house from my car I had to keep close watch to make sure I was stepping on wet rolled up leaves not wet stretched out slugs and that's that for now I'm thinking I'll hang one of my Voodoo dolls in the mudroom in plain sight to keep the Adventists and their weird crushing frightening lust for my soul at bay


summer is my season

the season of warm skin
the season of lake swimming
the season of ocean
the season of my birth
the season of outside
the season of Campfire Girl Camp
the season of Church Camp
the season of Music Camp
the season of cooking over fires
the season of bees
the season of playing scales on the deck
the season of open windows
the season of ripe tomatoes
the season of tomato and mayo sandwiches
the season of bean-time
the season of rich green lust
the season of the mango swimsuit
the season of short shorts and light dresses
the season of bakers
the season of bicycles
the season of Bach's Three Part Inventions
the season of the Tarot
the season of coconut scented lotions
the season of long nights
the season of ripe fat berries
the season of fecundity
the season of white sun drenched sheets
the season of wild breath
the season of lux

this morning I opened my bedroom window to the call of a coyote and the answer of owls

this morning I am thinking about the male gaze as well as the female gaze which makes me equally uncomfortable

this morning is about fake love and real love and the patriarchy and how tired I am of men writers of men artists of men Big Thinkers of men politicians of men police and policing and how women do a better job of almost everything

there is black coffee the disappearance of fog the embrace of wildness and necessary waking and Jupiter and Orlando and the opening of the earth's rippled skin and my own skin

this is simply a hymn

Good morning Darklings

Monday, June 19, 2017

Pig and farm report

last night at dusk I cut up three elderly honey crisp apples and threw them out my bedroom window and almost immediately the entire Animal Parade came marching through bunnies and birds happily chewing away I had no idea bunnies loved apples so much and no wonder those birds are such little fatties! joy and a floor show for Jupiter who sat on the window seat and banged her tail to let me know there was a criminal element in the side yard this morning brought the young buck and a doe to finish what the bunnies left which wasn't much I walked outside to pick dead leaves off my container herbs and as I picked a black leaf out of my cilantro I realized too late that it was a slug which made me run screaming into the house to boil my hand ick

I have baby tomatoes!!!

I have spread broken eggshells around my tomatoes hoping that will keep the slugs from wandering in I keep my eye on them so far so good have any of you gardeners out there tried this method?

after I tended the garden I took a bath washed my hair shaved my legs and opened an artery on the back of my left knee then I got out of the tub and wrapped my seafoam (not an actual color) hand towel around my leg to staunch the bleeding and plastered two giant band aids on it put on my dress and took myself to breakfast at the Farmer's Cafe which was as usual full of actual farmers then I went to the grocery store for garlic bread and then I went to the bakery to flirt with the baker and show off my bloody leg etc

when I got home I packed up the rest of the card boxes THE FINAL BOXES except for the fan box which Jupiter uses as her tent and took them to the dump I do love going to the dump it is the first fun memory I have of my father from back in the olden days when the dump was just a place outside of town where you dumped crap then set up beer bottles and shot at them with a rifle ahhh childhood with a drunk father can't be beat

after the dump I came home harvested two heads of red lettuce washed them in the sink started up Roberta the Robot walked out to talk to my trees startled a bunny actually almost tripped over her on my way down the hill did I mention I have baby tomatoes?!?! it seems like it's been forever since I had a garden and this one thrives

I am thriving too here happy healing myself from the inside out clearing my sweet insides of toxins and toxic people speaking of whom my ex-husband will be here for a minute next week which makes me nervous as it always has back in the good old days I used to cook Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners for him (I invited him for my son even though I detested cooking for him he who never thanked me for a single meal I cooked for him even down to packing his fucking lunches) until I admitted to myself and my kid that he was the most toxic of all and I was holding a lot of resentment toward him that I basically created myself it has been good for me to learn to say NO to realize that resentment hangs on because there is nothing one can do about it unlike guilt which can be assuaged sometimes though this time I will welcome him sort of and he can use the guest bathroom but no dinner not even a cup of coffee unless he begs for one but probably I will hide in my room he is going to a car show with the aforementioned kid I will mop the floor maybe and that's it

today is cleaning day as Mondays are now for me I never had cleaning days in the old house I only cleaned when I absolutely had to and it wasn't fun as it is here what with my robot vacuum cleaner and shiny new house

I think that's all there is to this post Orlando sleeps on the boy's bed Jupiter stalks the robot as she moves through the house then sits on the robot once it is done vacuuming she sits on it for a few minutes to see if it's still alive or if it is something she has to kill again she is a brave and proud hunter whether it is of wee mice or grown deer or those rather sweet old Seventh Day Adventists Mr and Mrs call me Lisa Kooper who stopped dropping by after I convinced them I was near death and really didn't want to read their little magazine about the Four Horsemen what with Satan in the White House etc

I feel so organized and unpacked that I could float like a bar of Ivory Soap™ if I wanted right out into the deep deep blue

Hello from Summer's End where even rotten apples taste sweet

Sunday, June 18, 2017

In the black tail forest with Jupiter ascending

I had one night a few nights ago where I thought I could not sleep because electricity was jaggering through my brain on fire with images that passed through like lucid dreams but more real and when I woke I felt that I was never asleep though I was not tired

the next morning my son called and told me that he dreamed that I had died that I coughed and when he came into my room I was dead

thankfully I did not die

I have not been leaving the house because I am unsure if the mania has passed and if I leave the house with my little debit card I might get myself into trouble when my son is home I give the card to him during times of mania I have everything I need toilet paper fruit my own biscuits though I could use some spaghetti noodles since I've been making marinara all day today cooking it down adding stock cooking it further down adding stock making it rich and delicious I had a tiny bowl of just marinara for lunch yum

I go to the beach every day this morning I went to County Ark (the P fell off all the Park signs there) and this is how it looked rainy and cold or I was cold in my peachy striped shorts and pink sweater and bedroom slippers which is how I am dressing now that I have retired my Christmas nightie for the summer

yesterday I unpacked the LAST BOX which in fact was the last box I packed when I left the old house it was a hurried packing tossing of all my old dishes and silverware and three kitchen junk drawers I whittled it down to two tiny Rubbermaid boxes with lids that will go into the library now I am officially unpacked finally in five days I will have been here six months the time has swept by so fast I think because there is no worry and stress with which to measure my days it hasn't stopped raining this week so I pull easy weeds out of my garden fling slugs with joyful abandon play with Jupiter here she is after leaving the kitchen sink after putting her actual mouth on the faucet (clearly I am still not over this weirdness) and I'm pretty sure once I post this no one will ever want to come to dinner though I wash my counters religiously

the deer are plentiful in my forest here everyday now and they love to pose for photos

the bunnies too delight in my tender pink roses

and this very fat bird who bathes with gusto knocking the smaller birds right out of the bath under the watchful eyes of St. Frankie

once again I have posted too many photos but it's still hard to think and my insides are vibrating in a strange way but I have not been stomach sick in a week and I believe I've gained maybe six pounds or so I'm afraid to look at the scales but so what so what so what I can still wear my mango swim suit and swim in the lake

that's it from Summer's End where the poppies are springing up and the radishes have been ravished by bunnies and I have baby tomatoes and Marylinn Magnolia has sprung from one branch to fifteen in a spectacular display of joy and Figgy Pudding is still one thin stalk with insanely huge leaves unfolding in its top

this week I binge-watched Orange is the New Black around the middle I decided it was crap but it pulled itself together with some memorable performances and a solid story line at the end and made me weep today I am binge watching American Gods they are playing the entire season on Starz or whatever station that is such beautiful story telling with the same cinematographer who filmed Hannibal such dreamy beauty

I have to go stir the kettle of sauce the day pines away I miss the father I wished I had had


Wednesday, June 14, 2017

this deer appeared right outside my bedroom window this morning he was eating the wild pink roses that are growing there he turned and looked straight at me and let me take this photo look at his little velvety antlers it was a good time to be reminded that we can and will be startled by intense beauty in this world, still

good morning Darklings and love

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Pig and farm report

this morning Jupiter woke me with her tiny meeps and mewps she is an extremely talkative cat not loud at all but lots of vocalizing when I refused to fill her already full bowl of dry food she stretched out on my chest and purred and kneaded her little paws in my hair and my entire being relaxed and I got another hour of sleep and then she woke me again this time stretched out at my side and I realized she had fetched all her kitty toys her catnip mice her catnip carrot with the purple ribbon tied to it and both the strings from my pink hoodie and brought them into my bed and hid them in my hair then I got up made a pot of coffee and she alerted me first to a yellow hummingbird then to a baby bunny who was running down a little mound of dirt outside my bedroom window the bunny would run three steps then roll the rest of the way down the mound of dirt then she would pop up and do it all over again hysterically funny to both Jupiter and me and probably no one else in the entire world

I had a blueberry bagel for breakfast

life is beautiful
I play my violin on the deck every morning around 10 I am so relieved to find that I am still a violinist I have not practiced since I got sick in April

that's all I have

good morning from Summer's End where the deer and the antelope (and the violinist) play
here is my old lady hand my garden-wrecked manicure my cut short to aching fingernails my bow and Bach the pages are water stained at the top because I have dropped this book in the bath twice over the years

Monday, June 12, 2017

I feel a definitive uptick in my body an inner shaking that signals a manic swing please Baby Jesus let it not be so
if it is so kindly bear or bare with me

this has been a Radish King public service announcement

How I spent my summer vacation pt. 3

I have been thinking a lot about POETRYWORLD lately maybe because I have a book ready to fly out into the world maybe because I have been offline more than on maybe because I am so tired very very tired of my Twitter feed which is full of poets promoting their work and announcing their publications no matter how tiny and these are poets I've known forever why the urge to keep publishing even their weakest work in the crappiest journals I have lost that urge but not the desire to write no not one bit but the desire to work in isolation grows and grows and I believe I am in the perfect place mentally spiritually and physically to write another novel then the publishing work will begin again mostly I'm thinking that all that poet exposure online can be a hindrance especially when I see poets writing the same work over and over and over and over and over etc I remember being a single mother living in a tiny house near green lake on Aurora typing on an actual typewriter late into the night having only books to guide me no schooling no teachers no Poets Laureates and how it was then alone with it without all the chatter the noise the LOOKIT ME! LOOKIT ME! and I have been the LOOKIT ME! girl but I have outgrown it that's what I'm thinking about that and my dinner which is almost ready which is frozen goddamn jalapeno poppers and some home made bleu cheese dressing in which to dip


How I spent my summer vacation pt. 2

the bunnies ate my tender radish greentops all but the outside two radishes
this is not earth shattering
I get such joy from the bunnies so I referred myself to Beatrix Potter
all is well except for the radishes

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Dear Darklings,

this morning I baked a cake watered the garden gracefully flang a pekingese-sized slug who was inching its way toward my tomatoes into the primeval forest with two sticks fed the cats let Jupiter drink from the faucet which never fails to make me snorkle with glee and cleaned up after myself getting the entire left sleeve of my t-shirt wet in the process

here is a photo of the cake which is another strawberry streusel because 1. strawberries and 2. baking this bounty of food is still remarkable to me so many years of hungry of not none and nothing the eggs are $3 eggs from Blackdog Farm's Roadside Produce Stand you put the money in a locked box with a hole in it and take the eggs from a cooler the little produce stand is on my way home when I go into town and the eggs make me envy Mary Moon with her vixen hens and brave roosters oh! the bright orange yolks!

here is a close-up of my Tim Burton cake stand also mango nipples

my trip to Seattle on Thursday was stressful I had a panicattackoutofnowhere and I told my son in case he thought I was about to explode or something I have to say I hate admitting them to him it makes him worry but I need to keep honest I also have to say that his driving makes me crazy(ier) he is a soft spoken strong kind young man who only shows his aggressive nature in his giant truck so when I ride with him I'm always gripping my seat as though I'm about to fly through his windshield I wanted to have lunch at Bengal Tiger as I always do and he wanted to have breakfast for lunch at Shay's which is a sleazy cafe on Aurora with truly spectacular omelets he won and I pouted as I am sincerely tired of the City so very tired and as soon as we hit the freeway I was missing the island

yesterday on my way to town (I did not take my gun to town) I stopped at Dahlia's Vintage Marketplace which was having an outside flea market and I went inside (honestly I thought I could steal some of her fragrant yellow roses) and in the far corner of the house I discovered an antique hutch which was painted olive green with milk-paint at some point the hutch has glass doors shelves a hidden desk on two fine chains and a secret drawer that opens to a stand on which to hold an open book and I right away put $100 down on it and will pay the rest on payday it is an expensive piece for me ($200) but it is in gorgeous shape and will look perfect in my pale pink and pale green library OH! oh oh oh I left without pinching a rose I am trying not to go back to look at it once I get it home I'll take a photo SO MUCH BETTER THAN A CRAP BOOKSHELF FROM OFFICE DEPOT THAT I HAVE TO PIECE TOGETHER though I'll still need a couple of those though I keep my eyes open for barn sale and garage sale shelves

this morning I got out of my car and took a photo of Brenda the buffalo who lives down the street the water is glassy and amazing today the sun is out etc

here is Jupiter pretending to be a Sphinx admiring the stone(rubber) pavers I am slowly installing (they're expensive) to make an easy path to my garden I should have swept them before I took this snap of my brilliant kitty but she looked so regal!

here is how she usually looks

what I'm reading:
The Descent Of Man by Grayson Perry
Revolution by Russell Brand
buck studies by Douglas Kearney

what I'm watching:
Twin Peaks
Orange is the New Black
American Gods
I'm Dying Up Here
Handmaid's Tale

what I'm listening to:
jagged little pill Alanis Morrisette

sorry for all the photos I post them when I am too stupid to string words together
now I'm going to go play my violin for the trees they prefer Bach

may your Sunday be filled with joy

Thursday, June 8, 2017

today our water distribution pipes are being flushed so we all seven houses that share the well have been requested to not use any water between 9 AM and noon so my son and I are heading for Seattle for fun he showed up last night and yelled (kindly) at me for going swimming without him!
but I am ahead of myself as usual
the two things I promised myself when I moved here was that I would find a lake to swim in and that I would spend the summer swimming and riding horses
I've been all around the island which is a protected wetlands that is chock full of lakes lakes everywhere! and every lake I have discovered here is marked PRIVATE NO TRESPASSING TURN AROUND GO AWAY WE HAVE GUNS AND ATTACK DOGS YOU WILL BE SHOT AND BIT THERE ARE CAMERAS IN THE TREES RECORDING YOUR EVERY MOVE INTRUDER INTRUDER etc except of course for the waters (some of them anyway) of Possession Sound which is salty and freezy and full of whales and sharknados and all the glories of the deep deep blue too cold for a swim
yesterday morning I was at the point of joining the local indoor swimming pool though I much prefer to swim in open waters then last night around seven when the heat hit 80 degrees I went in search of a fabled lake once again I drove into Stanwood our sister town following GPS coordinates that don't work worth a fart here (my cell phone barely works) and went on a strange winding road that passed farms and old barns and new barns and a place named The Blacktail Forest and finally I found Lake Goodwin and I was so excited I locked up my car and waded right out in my sherbet striped shorts and t-shirt and swam with babies and teenagers and old ladies night swimming in the most gorgeous and huge lake and oh oh oh and now I am completely happy

Lake Goodwin sounds like Lady Goodwin which was Penny Lane's actual name in Almost Famous a movie I adore here is a random photo of ducklings at the lake

and there were wild iris gorgeous

the lake was not crowded but I talked to a couple on the dock and man and a woman my age who were nice and no one seemed to judge me for plowing into the water and heading out fully clothed no judgement not one bit and I am utterly happy to have finally found my lake and I can avoid the dread chlorine and pee filled pool also I found a bowling alley but that's for another day my joys are simple for the most part

my son came home about the same time as I and I was still damp wrapped in my peach polka dotted beach towel and he had been stung under his left eyebulb by a bee who flew into his truck window as he was driving good bog and ouch so I doctored him up and made him a croissant sandwich and he is going with me today to Seattle

I love to make puff pastry and make my own croissants but I have a wee crush on the baker at the crab place which is also a butcher place and a coffee roaster place I put on lipstick and summer dresses when I go there to buy my 2# bags of coffee beans (that is a sign for pound not a hashtag which I know you know but my eyebulb right away thought it was in the wrong place) and I flirt mightily with the baker who came around the corner yesterday and fed me a piece of vanilla cake "with real vanilla beans" he was inventing and I swooned I did boyohboy does he know the way to a girl's pinched little heart

this post is all over the place I woke early this morning after my son screamed in his sleep which caused the cats to explode from their hiding places I made coffee and watched morning arrive in rain with Jupiter on my lap it is thrilling to watch my forest wake to see the hawks and eagles dive straight down to scoop up bog knows what though I've seen them carrying salmon through the trees and crabs too the giant Dungeness crabs for which we are famous I have put spells of invisibility on the bunnies to keep them safe but I know the forest and I am yes in perpetual denial about that

good morning Darklings may your Thursday be merry and bright and merry and full of wonder here is a small bouquet of my son's fragrant roses that he originally planted when he was in high school for you and you and you and you red and yellow together make my whole shimmering corporeal being happy I hope you find the same

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Island Crime

I like the part about the cows the best those naughty cows!!!

Monday, June 5, 2017

you know that place called Wit's End?
it's inside Summer's End
when I sit here at the grownup computer and try to put together a sentence I just can't do it
I did manage to bake the strawberry sour cream streusel cake that was in the NYT on whatever day it was in there and it was spectacular too good to pose for a photo
I dropped an entire glass pint jar of dairy fresh cream on my gorgeous kitchen floor last week or two weeks ago and I've been cleaning it ever since though today I gave up on vinegar and water and added a drop of soap even though I scrubbed it on my hands and knees nekkid whatever weekend that was where they played Harry Potter movies for 48 hours in a row and I watched all of them twice in order to avoid thinking
my garden is completely planted even the tomatoes! and I have radishes! and poppies! and flowers! when I moved in here there was only green on green on green
I have not been sick for two days yesterday and today

here are some flowers I picked from my yard after I was deadheading the orange carnations and accidentally snipped the tender pad of my fuck you finger with my garden sheers it bled like a motherfucker and I dumped rubbing alcohol on it then slathered it with liquid skin that I believe is actually nail polish except it peels off easier

flowers in the living room including the most amazing pink poppies that came in a mix packet of wild flowers and some pretty yellow weeds

bamboo and basil in the kitchen and the well established peonies that I dug up from my forlorn garden in the old house in the dead of winter and transplanted here thinking they'd never thrive

lilies in the giant empty room that has no name but it has a side table full of art books and the ancient table I use for a desk and my grown up computer
flowers in the guest bathroom in the jar from which the dairy fresh cream fell

Jupiter now weighs 400 pounds and she has stopped drinking daintily from the faucet with her paw and now she puts her mouth DIRECTLY ON THE FAUCET TO DRINK the way we used to do in gas station bathrooms on our drunken parental cross country trips to nowhere when I was a kid and water wasn't available in bottles for crap sake it is so freaky to watch this cat trick I am hard in love though it's kind of disgusting but hilarious

that's it for now boys and girls everyday I go to the beach everyday I stand on the deck in delight and I can smell salt air at low tide everyday I read (finally reading is possible again) books and your blogs


Saturday, June 3, 2017

You know how when you’re supposed to have a thunderstorm this afternoon and  tonight and you watch morning-black thunderheads float by like one of Heinlein’s adult Martians and everything feels tight in its skin about to bust right out if you don’t get some kind of sign from the sky your head burns waiting and you want to eat hot curry to tamp the burn but you’re in the forest and clouds keep piling up and there’s a feeling in the air the sky ionized so strongly it could iron your father’s white cotton shirts in 3 seconds flat if only it would let loose so you start praying to whatever god is handy the god of Wednesday the god of Tuesday Weld the god of Narnia the god of bad art the god of unread books the god of hospital cafeteria smells the god of loose change the god of one hour martinizing and of course Beethoven that the whole mess would just pop but it doesn't it’s a balloon in your stomach it’s full of helium and it keeps filling with helium and there’s a lot of space on account of you had one strawberry for breakfast and it’s filling quick but none of it does any good because the damned sky won’t open and everything and everyone is waiting?

Thursday, June 1, 2017

I am as frightened for my country as I was on 9/11.